Acknowledging your silent progress

Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of stopping to look back and see how far we’ve come, even if we’re the only ones that can see it

I’ve been in a bit of a writing funk lately — battling impostor syndrome and feeling like I shouldn’t bother starting an article because my writing isn’t good enough. After posting a note about this and receiving some useful tips about making myself the most important audience, I felt a tinge of inspiration to compile a personal list of things that I’m proud of myself for.

More importantly, these things that may not seem like achievements to (or even noticeable by) others, but have been monumental in my life.

Sometimes the greatest progress you make is silent to others, but the loudest to yourself.

I’d love to hear about some things you’re proud of yourself for that others may not notice. Click to comment:

Here are 3 of mine:

1. I’m overcoming my fear of being seen (or being seen trying)

For the longest time, I’ve been someone who generally wants to blend in and growing up, I was terrified of being different. For the majority of my life, I’ve had a somewhat condescending attitude towards those who put themselves out there. Ironically, I’m embarrassed to say that I found it embarrassing that people would post on their social media as if they were influencers. Reflecting on this now, it’s clear that I was projecting my own fear of being seen.

Starting my Substack this year was a huge personal step for me and I’m so proud of all the articles I’ve written. Similarly, putting myself out there on Substack was the catalyst for starting to post on TikTok. I only have 224 followers, but thinking about how I started with 13 followers makes me proud that I’m trying. As cringey as I feel sometimes recording monologues of my experience in the corporate world, I’m doing something that I never thought I would have the courage to do.

The fact that my articles and videos have resonated with some people amazes me and drives me to keep posting, but I don’t want it to be the sole motivator (as it has been lately). When we focus too much on external validation and how others perceive or receive us, it can take away the intrinsic motivation that’s so crucial to our sense of self.

Despite the lack of engagement on my articles and videos, I’m proud of how far I’ve come in letting my voice and opinions be heard, and feeling like I have something valuable and special to offer.

2. I worry less than I used to

I’ve been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. A text message to my high school boyfriend not delivering would send me into a spiral for the entire school day, picturing the worst when really he had just forgotten to charge his phone.

Sensing the slightest change in tone in “hello” from my husband when he walked through the door would result in relentless queries of “are you okay?” and “are you sure?” which, ironically, would irritate him further when he was just tired from a long work day.

Noticing these patterns in myself, I went to therapy and did a lot of reflection and work to become more secure in myself and reduce my anxiety. My Substack username and sign off “securely yours” actually originated from me wanting to become more securely attached.

While I don’t know if I’d consider myself to have a secure attachment style just yet, I’ve made significant progress in untethering my moods and perceptions about myself from those of the ones I love. I can now recognise that most of the time, when people are distant or annoyed, it’s not about me!! I’ve learnt how to be there for my loved ones without letting their problems and emotions consume me and my mental health.

For that, I’m immensely proud of myself.

3. I care about my life and my happiness

Content warning: SI

I’ve recently come out of the most difficult time of my life and one that I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it through.

I would make jokes about death and “haha I’d never have to work again!!” but unfortunately they were projections of how I really felt and how bad my mental state was. I spent nights meticulously planning how I’d do it and the notes I would leave my husband, friends and family.

When you’re in the weeds of something like that, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For so long, I was tormented by a dark cloud that wouldn’t dissipate no matter how hard I fought. The therapy I was doing seemed to be useless.

Then, one unassuming morning as I was brushing my teeth, I felt a strange sense of lightness and peace. All of a sudden, the cloud cleared and I was coming home to my true self.

Only, it wasn’t ‘all of a sudden’.

It took me a while to acknowledge that all of the work I’d done in therapy had, in fact, worked. I now unashamedly attribute my newfound joy and love of life to the effort I’d put in, rather than luck or happenstance.

Waking up everyday actually wanting to be alive and experience life — the good, the bad and the ugly — is something that I’m proud of myself for because I now know it didn’t happen by chance.

The takeaway

A lot of the time, we think of progress as something that’s visible to others: achieving a university degree, buying a house, making a certain amount of money, and so on. The reality is, most of our lives are made up of seemingly ordinary days that, on the surface, don’t individually appear to amount to much.

However, it’s the progress we make on these seemingly insignificant days that can be the most important and sometimes even life-saving. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of stopping to look back and see how far we’ve come, even if we’re the only ones that can see it.

Securely yours,

Jess xx